It seems like everywhere we turn nowadays something bad is happening in the world. With all the bad things that humans are doing to each other it can be hard to keep a clear mind and a positive attitude. Even though I live in Canada and nowhere near France I can’t help but think about all those families who recently lost a loved one. I can’t help but think about all those people who left home that morning never thinking they wouldn’t return later that evening.
It just makes me so sad. Tragedy from sudden death always hits home with me because I lost my best friend unexpectedly six years ago. The fact that I never got a chance to say good-bye still haunts me to this day. Almost every single day something happens that I want to tell him about; I’m consumed with sadness all over again when I realize I can’t call him – when I realize I’ll never hear his voice again.
Whenever I think of my friend Kevin I fall into an overwhelming sadness that consumes me. I will never forget the day I got the news or the day I went to his funeral as long as I live. However bad the pain hurts I have to find a way to bring myself out of the slump. I am assuming the families who lost loved ones in France are going through these same emotions.
I often struggle with trying to find a balance between remembering the good times I had with my friend, forgetting the fact that I will never see him ever again and trying not to forget him. Six years after his death, that’s where I am…working through the pain of remembering while trying not to forget.
Here are some ways I am trying to deal with the loss of a loved one:
Try not to let the sadness consume you
The emotions of dealing with death are what seems to be a never ending roller coaster. After the initial shock wears off, reality and sadness set in. The extreme sadness lasts different lengths of time for different people and although it never goes away – at least it hasn’t for me – the pain in your stomach will eventually begin to fade.
Try to focus on all the good things in your life, no matter how big or small they may be. Be grateful for something every day you wake up, it will help you start to see the good in the world again.
Don’t ignore it and deal with your feelings
This was a huge mistake I made. I tried to forget Kevin because the pain hurt so badly whenever I thought about him, but that didn’t help. I would burst into tears every time I saw someone who looked like him and I would cry myself to sleep every single time I heard his favorite song.
Although we may prefer to deal with our emotions on our own, sometimes professional help is the only way we can truly deal with our feelings.
Turn to faith
After mourning we have to accept the fact that our loved one isn’t coming back and we need to try to move on in our own lives – whatever that means to you. We may have a job to get back to or a family who needs us. It’s very easy to stay in our deep dark hole, but we need to find a way out. Getting back into your regular routine helps.
Some people also turn to faith. Even if you’ve never been a believer in the past, finding a new found faith (whatever form it may be) can help you deal with your feelings and find a way to move on from a tragic loss.