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Where to look for love

looking for love

Good morning Loves.  Yesterday I had my usual Sunday coffee date with my friend Anna, you remember her, my friend who always tells me about her dating horror stories.  She is very open about all the jerks she’s gone out with and I honestly think sharing the stories helps her work through the issues, it’s a form of personal therapy.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

I asked her what she is looking for in a man and where she is looking for them.  She told me that she is looking for men in the only place she knows to look…at bars.  Now back in your 20s there were only a few places to meet men and only one place to meet a really good man.  Back then we could probably meet a man in the school library but who wants to spend their Saturday nights at the library.  So that leaves only one place to find men in your 20s…in a bar.

This is definitely the wrong place to find men.  There are a few problems with meeting men in bars, one: they are drunk and two: they are only looking for one thing.  That one thing usually lasts less than 24 hours.  So if you are looking for a long term relationship you probably won’t find it in a bar.

Is your true love online?

Nowadays people rely on the internet, it’s true for shopping and research it’s also true for their love lives.  I’ve heard both good and bad stories about people who met online.  One of my good friends met her boyfriend online; within a year she was engaged, married and pregnant.  That was a true happily ever after.

I had a friend in high school who connected with someone in an AOL chat room (It was the 90s), met him in person, fell in love, got pregnant and he bailed never to be heard of since.  I guess you just never know who’s out there.  But that can be said for anyone on the street just like everyone on the internet?

Look for quality love close to home

If you are single in your 30s where can you find your soul mate?  I think the best place to find your perfect match is at the office.   If you are like me your life consists of three things: work, home and the grocery store so where else would I meet someone (if I was single) if it isn’t at work?

I definitely think that two people working in the same office can be messy, especially if they break up, but this is only true if they work in a small office.  Two people working at the same company in different departments can be a match made in heaven.

An office romance means you both come from similar backgrounds, may have similar levels of education and you will probably have a lot to talk about.  It also means that your spouse will probably be more understanding about working long hours if they know the pressures of your common workplace.

My photos on Flickr

The One Thing I Never Say to My Boyfriend

Couple Spouse

Good morning Loves.  Saturday morning I was watching an episode of Will and Grace (boy do I ever love that Jack).  Grace just married Leo (Harry Connick Jr.) when he decided to extend his stay in South America with Doctors Without Borders.  Grace was obviously upset that she didn’t get to enjoy the honeymoon period with her new husband but she didn’t say anything to him about her concerns.  Grace’s friends encouraged her to tell Leo how she felt.  When they asked Grace why she didn’t tell Leo how she really felt she said “Our marriage is so new, I don’t want to show my true colors.”

This statement got me thinking, how fake do we have to be to make our relationships work?  I have been with my boyfriend a long time, a really long time, and I like to think that we have a great relationship.  But then I started thinking a little bit deeper.  Even though we’ve been together for over a decade there are still some things that I will never say to my boyfriend.

I don’t think we have to lie to our spouses to make them happy, Lord knows my boyfriend doesn’t.  He is always brutally honest, sometimes so much it hurts.  He just says that being honest is the best policy and I do agree.  However there are just some things that I won’t say, not because they are mean, just because it’s not my place to give an opinion.

Off limit topics in our relationship

His family.   I learned very early on in our relationship that his family is off limits.  Now I keep my opinions to myself when it comes to my boyfriend’s family.  The main reason is because he knows his family better than I do and giving my opinion (if it conflicts with his) is only going to cause friction in our relationship and I don’t want that.  Ultimately my boyfriend is going to do what he thinks is best when it comes to his family so there is no point in stirring the pot, even if I think he’s making a wrong decision.

My family.  My relationship with my mom, dad and sister is complicated and honestly I think my boyfriend is tired of hearing about it.   I stopped talking to my boyfriend about my spineless dad, manipulative mother and my ever righteous sister – mostly because I think he stopped listening many moons ago, but also because there is no possible way he could understand what I’m going through.

My boyfriends family is picture perfect and my dad lives in a trailer park, it’s not exactly comparing apples to apples.  So I just keep all the animosity and anger inside and try to let it go through a healthy outlet such as yoga – or sharing with you.   It’s much better for our relationship if our families stay off limits.

The one thing that is not off limits in our relationship is money, my boyfriend and I always talk about our family finances.  Right now we are mostly talking about our new apartment – no we haven’t found one yet.  We have to decide what little luxuries we want and how much we are willing to pay for them.

Is there anything that’s off limits in your relationship?

Photo from Flickr

Would you ever go on a reality TV show?

Reality TV

Good morning Loves.  I have a personal confession: I am obsessed with reality TV.  I know what some of you are thinking…”Oh me too! ” But some others are probably thinking…”TK couldn’t you be doing something more productive with your time?”  The answer is obviously yes, I could be working and making more money or I could be working out and losing weight, but I can’t help it I’m addicted to reality TV.  I love watching the real housewives spend their money, I love watching contestants eat rice for 40 days for $1 million and I can’t get enough of those $500,000 Head of Household competitions.

Are you a reality TV junkie like me?

I can’t really explain why I love watching reality TV.  My addiction started many years ago with Survivor.  Then I got hooked on Big Brother during their third season and now I watch several (but not all) of The Real Housewives.   There is something about watching rich women wearing $10,000 gowns get in fights that is so appealing.

Sometimes I think my life is like reality TV.  Remember last year when my co-worker lashed out and called me a bad name that rhymes with putt?  I swear at that particular moment I was thinking “WOW this would make really good TV” because things like that just can’t be scripted.

Would your life make good reality TV?

Would you ever (or have you ever) applied to be on a reality TV show?  If so please share.  I love watching the mishaps of peoples lives, but I don’t think I could do it – not well anyways.  I always wonder what makes people want to be on a reality TV show and I honestly think the answer is simple…money.

I have to admit the chance to win $1 million by living on a secluded island for 40 days is very tempting. Part of me thinks “Just man up TK it’s only 40 days.”  However another part of me thinks that it has to take a physical, mental and emotional toll on my body.

If you are a fan of Survivor like I am you may remember Shane Powers from Survivor Panama.  He had a complete breakdown in his psyche and created a Blackberry out of a piece of wood.  He had such a hard time adjusting to life without his normal routine that he actually went a bit crazy.  And you know what? I completely understand.  I think I would lose it without the comforts of my daily routine.

Which reality TV show would you go on?

If you had the chance to go on Big Brother or Survivor which one would it be?  I think that I would go on Big Brother because at least you get to live in a house and eat food purchased from the grocery store.   Castaways on Survivor have to sleep on the ground in a manmade shelter and eat food off the land – that’s rough.

Of course Survivor has the added benefit of getting to travel and see a new part of the world whereas Big Brother is filmed in L.A.  However  we have to ask ourselves if the need to live like a primate is really worth the travel perks?

Photo by Flickr

Is it OK to Binge Watch Netflix?

NETFLIX

Good morning Loves.  As you know from my post on Monday I love being at home.  There is nothing better than waking up on a Sunday morning and just laying around my apartment in my pyjamas watching Netflix.  That’s OK right?

I absolutely love Netflix.  It has great classic as well as new movies, we can watch entire seasons of TV shows and it’s only $8 a month.  I mean seriously how great is that?  This past Sunday I watched Pretty Woman, Enough Said and Easy A.  Where else can you watch unlimited television and movies for a fixed monthly price? Nowhere that I know of.

There’s a difference between going on a binge and taking a break

I don’t feel very productive when I binge watch Netflix, but to tell you the truth I don’t really care.  I usually work long hours (until after 11 pm most nights) so sometimes instead of working I lay around in my pyjamas.  Do you ever do that?

I think the real question we have to ask ourselves is what is binge watching Netflix really doing to our health?  Binge behaviour of any kind can definitely be harmful to both our physical and mental health.  I think shutting yourself off from the world to stay in bed and watch movies is OK on an occasional Sunday, as long as it doesn’t become a habit.

Is binge watching part of a bigger problem?

Bad habits are hard to break.  Trust me I know.  I eat compulsively, or at least I used to.  I have an obsessive compulsive personality so when I like something I get fixated on it and do it in excess until I absolutely can’t stand it anymore.  Some may call it just a habit, but trust me it’s much more than that.

That’s why I don’t allow myself to turn on Netflix during the week, because I will literally drop everything I need to do and forget about all my obligations to lay in bed and watch movies.  That’s a very bad habit to break.

Of course I would love to come home from work and just relax all evening, but that’s just not my life.  There are rooms that need to be cleaned, work that needs to get done and blog posts that need to be created.

How to break a bad habit?

I like my routine and it’s very hard to break.  If I have an idea in my head I’m the type of person who won’t be able to concentrate on anything else until I accomplish it.  This is true for everything in my life from the little things like getting a bagel for breakfast to the bigger tasks such as planning a vacation.  I just get restless and completely distracted if I don’t get things done.

So how am I trying to overcome my shortcomings? By taking them (or should I say breaking them) one day at a time.  I used to be so focused on buying my morning bagel from this one place that I would get off the bus in the rain to avoid breaking my routine.

I find that bad habits are much more mental than they are physical.  I started by skipping my bagel one morning and after a couple of weeks I didn’t miss it anymore.  Then I added in an extra day and now I only stop there twice a week.  The key to breaking bad habits is to take them one step at a time, don’t try to change too much at once because that will just never work.

Photo from Flick