Moving is a metaphor for relationships


Good morning Loves.  As you read this I’m on my way home from New Orleans and as of last Wednesday when I left BF and I still didn’t have a place to live.  We need to move October 1 and we have yet to sign a new lease.   We have  been apartment hunting since June and now that we are in crunch time I am starting to reflect on what it means that neither one of us want to sign a new lease.

What does our inability to sign a lease say about our relationship?

The question to ask is – do we not want to sign a new lease because we haven’t found the perfect apartment or do we just not want to sign a lease with each other?  Looking back over the last few months of apartment hunting I can’t help but see the how our moving situation may be a direct reflection of what we are going through in our relationship.

We have been in our apartment (small as it may be) for six years and although it was supposed to only be temporary we grew accustom to it – downfalls and all.  We are moving because we need more space and we just want some peace and quiet.  We want to move to a neighborhood that is quiet but has essential amenities such as restaurants, a dry cleaner, a grocery store and a pharmacy.

I can’t help but wonder with less than 10 days to move and nowhere to go what does this say about my personality and my relationship with BF?

Is it really about the apartment?

I’ve come to realize that moving is really a metaphor for life and relationships.  We need to move but can’t make a decision on where to live.  Is this because we don’t really know where our relationship is going?

Keep in mind that I could be relocated or even jobless come January with the acquisition of my company by a competing firm and BF has already made it very clear that he doesn’t want to move to another city.

Why the need for change?

We are looking for a complete change.  We want to move to a new apartment in a new neighborhood.  Actually we want everything to be new; we want to live in a small building as oppose to the 21 floor apartment block we live in now.

We want a two bedroom apartment as oppose to our current one bedroom and we want it to be fully equipped including a washer and dryer in the apartment (not shared in the building) as well as a dishwasher.  What does this say about us?  Maybe we are being picky, maybe we are looking for a fresh start or maybe there’s another reason we are looking for the impossible apartment.

Afraid to make a commitment after 15 years?

Some people may say we are being extremely picking when trying to choose a new apartment, but I just think we are being careful in our choice.  Maybe our indecisiveness is a metaphor for our relationship.  Maybe we just don’t know where we are headed or maybe we are completely afraid of making a commitment – could that be?  Why can’t we just make a decision?  My initial thought is it’s because I want to be sure we are living in the perfect apartment in the perfect neighborhood because I definitely don’t want to be stuck for another six years in an apartment that we don’t like. However I can’t help but wonder if our moving criteria are a much needed change in our lives or are we just afraid to making a commitment?

What do you think – am I completely over thinking this?

Photo from Flickr

Why emotional spending is OK (sometimes)

Emotional spending

Good morning loves.  Well my 11 day vacation is officially over and I’m back at the office.  Even though I’m working away I am definitely still in vacation mode.  I spent five days of my vacation in New Orleans and before that I kicked off all the festivities with a little shopping celebration.

After scouting deals online I set my budget at $100 to spend on myself to celebrate the beginning of, not only my vacation but a new phase in my life.  Here’s a little rundown of what’s coming up in my life aka all the reasons I need o celebrate: we are moving.  That’s about it.  We are moving to a new apartment and starting a new phase in our lives: that’s definitely a reason to celebrate.

Emotional spending is not compulsive spending

Now here’s my point, it’s OK to splurge every now and then if a) you can do it without using your credit card and b) your spending is controlled.  Now let me ask you this, do you spend money when you want to celebrate something great in your life?  I used to be a compulsive spender, spending money when I was both happy or sad.  Now I only spend money on myself occasionally and never in excess.

After I paid off my debt I was afraid to spend money for a long time because I didn’t want to go back to being broke.  Now I allow myself to spend money occasionally, but within a budget and never on anything I don’t need. That’s the key to emotional spending – keep it in check.

Emotional spending can be controlled

I say that I spend  money emotionally but that’s only partially true because my expenses are always very calculated.  The intent to spend money is based on emotion, but the amount I spend and how I spend it is always based on my budget.

The season is changing so my happy emotional spending came at the perfect time.  I bought basic items I need for fall such as black tights, new black dress pants for work, a new dress for my trip to New Orleans.  In total I only spent $80 and I got absolutely everything I need.  Now that is controlled emotional spending.

How often to you spend money emotionally?

Think about the last time you bought something, anything, was it emotionally initiated?  Did you buy ice cream the last time you were having a bad day?  Did you buy a bottle of win the last time you wanted to drown your sorrows?  Or did you buy yourself a new outfit to celebrate a new job?  The truth is a lot of our spending is emotionally based.

I have to be honest I’m not sure what it is about spending money, but it can be gratifying, consoling and uplifting all at the same time.  I don’t know any other activity that has the same effect on people.  Do you?

How to spend wisely when emotions are involved

The old me would spend money on anything, and I mean absolutely anything from meals to home furnishings just so I would have something to do.  My money and my life were ruled by emotions; but not anymore.

The pain, tears and stress that come with being in debt are heartbreaking.  Now I spend money based on emotions but not as I’m feeling them.  If I have a bad day I go home and wallow, sometimes I eat cookie dough.  I think about how much money I can spend and how much I can afford to spend without feeling guilty.  That’s how I control my emotional spending and I never feel bad about it.

Photo from Flickr

Friday Faves: New Orleans, Debt and College


Good morning Loves and happy Friday.  I am in New Orleans for FinCon and I’m having a great time.  Expect to see lots of pictures next week, but if you can’t wait follow me on Twitter or Instagram to see what life’s like in The Big Easy.

Enjoy these posts from our friends:

NZ Muse – The number one reason not to travel…

Money Propeller – How to Decide on a College Degree

Modest Money – Defeating Your Debt for Good

Girls Just Wanna Have Funds – Wedding Planning 101: Save Cash While Saving the Date

Give Me Back My Five Bucks – Are you a job hopper?

Money After Grad – Setting Up The Joint Savings Account

Photo by Flickr

The cleaning binge continues


Good morning Loves.  Well with less than 10 days until we move my cleaning binge is in full swing.  I mean I am throwing things out left, right and center and contrary to how I thought it would be it actually feels great.  It’s like a burden has been lifted and I’m just freeing myself from all the clutter of stuff that was suffocating me.

BF and I live in a relatively small apartment so as I riffle through every closet and every cupboard I can’t believe how much stuff we actually have.  Six years ago when we moved from our old apartment to this apartment (which we are leaving in a few days) we each agreed to get rid of as much stuff as possible.  We donated and threw out bags and bags of unwanted and unused items.  However over the last six years we have also accumulated quite a lot of stuff and until now I don’t know where we’ve been putting it all.

I thought that getting rid of our personal belongings was going to make me feel defeated, but it’s actually very liberating.  I like the idea of a fresh start in a new apartment with only the essentials, I just hope it stays that way.  So how do I get rid of everything I’ve worked for without letting it get me down?  By donating it to people in need.

What we donated

There is an organization four blocks from our house that collects items for families with kids in need.  We discovered it a few years ago when we wanted to get rid of some household items and clothes.  It was the closest to our apartment but after researching the company I learned they actually stand for a really great cause.

I always hear horror stories about those donation boxes in parking lots, such as they don’t actually donate the items they sell them and that a lot of items get thrown out before it goes to people in need.  This is why we wanted to find a good organization that would put our personal items to good use.  After all just because we don’t need it anymore doesn’t mean that someone else doesn’t.

We donated clothing items such as shoes, shirts and even a winter jacket.  BF donated three pairs shorts as well as two baseball hats and at least two dozen shirts.  I didn’t have any pants to donate this time because I find they don’t keep as well as sweaters and shirts.  I like to donate items that are still in good condition.

What we threw out

I always try to donate items before I throw them out but sometimes they are a lost cause.  Items that we threw out are things such as old towels that have been worn thin, food that was expired and intimates.

I had a bunch of costume jewellery that I was just going to get rid of because I felt it was dated, but BF convinced me that it was still in good enough condition to donate – so that’s what I did.  It may not be in perfect condition but at the end of the day I think of it like this, it’s better to have something that’s a little bit worn than have nothing at all.

Photo from Flickr