Today is my husband and I’s 5-year anniversary. I’m well aware that we’re not allowed to celebrate our dating anniversary now that we’re married (according to my husband), but I think half a decade of togetherness deserves at least a little recognition, right?
We’ve been married 4 months now. Success! Not much has changed except for my last name and our combined bank accounts. I’m starting to get used to both at this point. It is still a little weird to say, “Hi, I’m Amber Gilstrap,” instead of “Hi, I’m THE Amber Nash”. I’m planning to add the “THE” in due time, though.
I’ve already written a couple posts about the process of combining our finances on Money Under 30 and Give Me Back My Five Bucks, so I won’t go into depth on the topic here. What I will say is that combined bank accounts are going pretty well for us. And I’d just like to point out that anytime I bring up the topic of combining finances, I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do. It’s just what we decided to do. Everyone should do what speaks to them. Just know that if you don’t combine finances, your marriage is doomed forever. JUST KIDDING. 
We’re still saving like a bunch of crazy people for our first house. Nothing new there. As you know, we’ll reach our savings goal in December of this year, as expected. I figured that going out searching for a house during the holidays might be a bit of a pain, so we’re headed out to search in person after the first of the year. I’m still reviewing current home listings on the daily and there’s nothing I absolutely *love* right now. Let’s hope that changes in the next few months.
(There was one house that we were in love with that was taken off the market. Sad. If we’re desperate enough, we plan to knock on their door and ask if they’re still interested in selling when the time actually comes.)
Marriage isn’t much different than being engaged. Of course, we jumped the gun and moved in together pre-marriage, so that’s the main reason things haven’t changed much for us. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited ‘til after we were married to move in together. Moving in together is such an exciting time and it would’ve made the newlywed experience that much more special. Ah well, live and learn.
We’ve had one big argument since we’ve been married. It wasn’t the end of the world. We just did what we normally do: I cried like a baby and he was completely unemotional. Ha. But, seriously, we just talked it through (which is never really that fun, but a necessary evil) and, ironically, the foundation of our relationship became stronger because of it. The issue that was once an elephant in the room is now an issue that we see eye to eye on. Communication win? I think so, my friends.
Our relationship has always been pretty solid and drama-free, so I think that makes the transition to marriage much smoother. Neither of us are perfect, but we both agree that our relationship is the number priority in our lives (after our faith) and I think that gives us the best chance to make it for a lifetime.
Overall, marriage is pretty awesome. I definitely recommend it.
What are your thoughts? Any questions? For the married readers, how was your newlywed experience?
I forgot to mention that we’ve added a 3rd party to our new marriage. That would be about 6-7 pounds of “happy” weight that I’ve gained since the honeymoon. A little too much balance, eh?
About B&B
Our newlywed experience was much the same as our engaged life. Nothing changed except after the wedding, we had more than two towels and a much nicer set of dishes
I think the best thing we did as a newly married, combined finances household was setting up a budget we both agreed upon. We each had our own portions of the budget, so I could buy whatever I wanted as long as it was within my budget. As a girl with an affliction for handbags, clothes, and beauty products, my budget let me get what I need/want, within reason and without depleting our savings.
I’ve been with my bf for over 4 years now and we chose to live together this last year but it was a hard decision to make as well. I really wanted the true newlywed experience of moving in right after being married and experience living under the same roof for the first time. But we also wanted to spend more time with each other now and have loved living together and being a cozy little family already. So I understand what you are saying but I guess we can’t have everything we want
After reading this glowing review. I decided to get married. Just kidding.
Good luck with the house hunt and I”m glad that the savings is going well. H and I are going to meet our year end goal for house savings, but it wont be enough for a down payment – which is all the same to me. We’ve got a few MAJOR Things to decide on before we make a purchase in the home realm.
Hey there! We went for the full-blown newlywed experience and didn’t move in until we were married. And yes, we combined finances. After three years, it still feels like we’re newlyweds
Probably because we make it a point to have fun. And yes, we flirt in public.
Don’t worry about starting the home search/buying process until the New Year. I think a bunch of people will take their homes off the markets around the holidays because they have other things going on. We didn’t start searching seriously until right around New Year’s. There were some houses on the market around then and our realtor told us more listings would come on the market around the Super Bowl. We then found one and closed at the end of April. Granted this was in the Chicagoland area, but it’s definitely possible to find one!
My biggest things were learning to use my new last name without feeling like I was lying, learning to say “husband” comfortably, and the holidays. We used to split up for the holidays for practical purposes (we both live so far away), but now that is not allowed, or at least we don’t plan to do it anymore. The money was more gradual, but we are definitely on a one-pot system. I feel very married. It is different than being engaged (though I didn’t think so at first), however, I don’t think marriage is a required ingredient to feel the way I do. It also is just us growing up together. Kind of like how dating for 3 years feels much different than dating for 1, even though you don’t have a “status” change with it.
Good luck on the house hunt!
Ha! That part about showing up at the homeowner’s front door reminded me of the scene in Enough (Jennifer Lopez movie about a crazy abusive husband and J Lo kicking butt) where J Lo’s husband shows up at the home of this elderly gentleman and basically threatens him until he agrees to sell his home because “my wife fell in love with it.” Maybe you should try that! Ha, I kid.
Anyway, it sounds like marriage is going well for you two!
Mr. Red and I still celebrated our first date anniversary after we got married. We just went out to eat, nothing fancy, but we enjoyed it.
I thought it was interesting that you regret moving in before you got married. I can see the benefit – sentimentally – of doing it, but practically, I thought our decision to move in before we even talked about marriage was better. Part of the reason I feel that way is just because I think it’s less stress. We weren’t planning a wedding in a month AND working out the logistics of him moving in, where his stuff would go, where my stuff would go, where his brother/roommate was going to move, who was going to help him move, how were we going to handle our finances, etc. I was also one of those “take the car for a test drive before you guy it” kind of people. Different strokes, different folks!
Just out of curiousity: you claim to be religious/go to church/have some sort of “faith”. What religion condones living together before marriage?
So happy for you! It sounds like you have a really healthy relationship with your husband, and that’s a rarity! I can’t imagine getting married yet, but reading stories like this gives me something to look forward to.
I think you should still celebrate your dating anniversary. I mean, if you hadn’t started out dating, you wouldn’t be married now, right?
You say that if you could do it all over again, you would wait to move in together until you were married. Would you have gotten married sooner then or spent the last couple of years living apart before getting married?
You and your husband sound really grounded. It’s fun to ready your blog and see how choices you are making just starting out. You are definitely off to a great start. My husband and I have been married for 27 years (it really does go fast). I think putting your finances together is the best thing you can do. It’s a sign that you have become a “we” and not a “you” and “me”. We’ve always discussed big purchases and made the choices together.
Amber – Glad to hear things are going so well!
When you mentioned saving for your house again, I remember in another article you talked about saving separately for furnishing your new home. I was curious what amount/goal you guys have set for this and what you would recommend for others? I already know what I want to have saved for a house, but am thinking this amount could be pretty large as well!
Thanks!
Hahah ditto what Jeff said. I’m looking forward to getting married next year – we’ve been together for 8+ years and marriage will add a whole new layer of …solemnity to our relationship. I’m excited! Just curious, have you discussed with Lloyd how you are going to blog about your combined finances? I just wrote a post wondering about the issue http://www.wellheeledblog.com/2011/10/10/blogging-about-personal-finance-when-you-are-married/