4 money signs you shouldn’t date him

Bad DateGood morning loves.  Yesterday I spent the afternoon at Starbucks sipping mojito green teas with my friend Anna.  Anna is one of my new friends, we met back in October at a mutual friends birthday party and we immediately bonded over our mutual dislike for young children in public places.

When Anna asked why our mutual friend brought her four month old baby to her 34th birthday party because she thought it was just going to be a nice adult night out, I knew we would become instant friends. Over the last few months I have sat in Starbucks every other Sunday listening to Anna talk about her boy troubles.

For all you lovely married people out there let me tell you that listening to single girl problems in your 30s is very different than when we were in our 20s.  As I listened to Anna tell me about men who are interested in her, how she meets these men and all her awful dates I couldn’t help but think “You should know better”.

What are you looking for in a soul mate?

I am admittedly not single, but I’m not married either.  I live with my long-time boyfriend in our apartment and that’s OK with me.  I know that I haven’t been on a date in a long time but I like to think that I would know what I was looking for if I did.  In my 20s I went on a lot of bad dates and back then I didn’t know what I looking for in a mate, probably because I didn’t even know myself.

However now that I’m in my 30s I know that if I were to start dating again I would want a career man, not necessarily a business man, who managed his money wisely and liked to travel.  As a financial planner I can tell you that you can learn a lot about a person’s personality by how they manage their money.

4 money red flags that you shouldn’t date him:

Not spending any money.  If you go out with a guy and he never spends money or always picks free date spots because he conveniently leaves his credit and debit cards at home it may be a sign to walk away.

Always buying lavish gifts.  Just like nickel and diming it is a red flag so is spending big bucks whenever he can.  There is nothing worse than a guy who likes to show off and spend money carelessly.  I know firsthand that money won’t always be here so I couldn’t date a guy who didn’t budget wisely.

If he always pays with a credit card.  Men who live on credit is a big red flag for me.  I did that back in my 20s and I wouldn’t want to go through that again.  I definitely wouldn’t want to start a relationship with someone who lived off credit and was paying off thousands of dollars in debt.

A man who never makes plans.  I am a huge planner.  I love making lists and I love being organized.  I live my entire life that way, including my money.  I couldn’t date a man who never makes plans, or worse, a man who makes plans and doesn’t stick to them.  People’s lifestyle is made up of personality traits and if he is unorganized in life he probably also mismanages his money.

Would you add anything to the list?

  Photo by Flickr

Would you marry someone without money?

marry someone without money

I read an article in a recent issue of Glamour Magazine about a woman who fell in love with a man who had less money than her.  Actually he had no money at all, he had a low paying job with no personal savings.  She met him online and they instantly connected.

After months of communicating by email, phone and chat the couple finally decided to meet in person.  When he showed up to take her out on their first date she was shocked at what she saw in her driveway.

The man showed up in an old pickup truck and the woman almost didn’t walk out of her front door.  She had seen pictures of the man and knew he was cute but she didn’t know he had no money.  The subject of careers and personal finances never came up in their long conversations.

Should money be a criteria for dating?

So here lies the question, would you go out with a man who had no money?  We aren’t talking about a man who makes good money and just mismanages it, because that can be fixed.  We are talking about a man who makes just enough to get by.  She already had feelings for this man and she knew if she went out with him her life would always be hard off financially.  She wasn’t hoping to marry rich, she was just hoping to marry someone who wasn’t poor.

If this was me I don’t know if I would continue a relationship with a man who had no money.  Maybe in my 20s, but probably not now in my 30s.  That sounds really bad as I read it back to myself but it’s true.  If I already loved the man I don’t think money would matter, actually I know it wouldn’t, if I was in my 20s.

When I was younger I was broke, like dead broke, and I know how much stress money can cause.  I wouldn’t want to go through that again.  When you are in your 20s it’s OK to make mistakes and learn from them.  But as we get older we are supposed to be more financially responsible.

If I was dating now I think money would come up in our first few dates.  In my 20s I wouldn’t have cared if my boyfriend had no money.  However, now in my 30s it would be very hard to start a relationship with a man who didn’t have the same lifestyle I have.

Should money be a criteria for marriage?

I wouldn’t expect women to want to marry a man who can make her life better.  However at the same time I don’t think anyone wants to marry a man who makes their life worse.  The trouble with the man having no money was that the woman was already in love with him.

If she didn’t go out on the date she would always wonder if he was the great love of her life. She would always wonder if she let her soul mate get away because he drove an old pickup truck. She decided money wasn’t worth her happiness so she grabbed her purse and walked out to the driveway where the man was waiting with the passenger side door open.

As expected the man was a total gentleman.  After their first date her feelings were as strong as ever.  They eventually got married and were still together when the article was released.

Photo by tahnyakristina  

Is the Millionaire Matchmaker for real?

Good morning Loves.  This past weekend I was channel surfing and landed on the Millionaire Matchmaker.  Have you seen this show?  I have admittedly seen the show before, but I’ve never watched a full episode.  This time I sat through the entire show and to be honest I was a little disturbed.

For those of you who haven’t seen the show, Millionaire Matchmaker shows the day in the life of the founder and her staff as they try to help rich people find their perfect mate.  I am not sure if it’s the financial planner in me or it’s because I am a woman who makes my own money.  But the thought of men searching for women who want to marry rich really bothers me.

Should we pay to meet our mate?

Millionaire Matchmaker is a fee based club that millionaires join in the hopes of finding their one true love.  They are set up in a social mixer situation where they can mingle with several potential mates and choose two to go out with on an official date.  This whole scenario has me wondering,  if we can’t find our true love out there in the real world can we really find them in a contained environment? I’m not so sure.

I have been lucky to be with my boyfriend for several years.  If I was single I’m not sure I would pay money to meet my soul mate.  I don’t think I would join a club or subscribe to an online dating service just to check the married box.  I know a lot of couples who met online and are still together, some even got married.  But I’ve also heard a lot of horror stories about online dating.  I hate wasting money.  If I pay for a service I better get my money’s worth.

Then there’s the prenup question

If men are joining Millionaire Matchmaker to meet women who want to marry rich I have to ask, what are they getting themselves into?  Women who have no ambitions and just want to marry men for their money are gold diggers.  Aren’t they?

Maybe these rich men (and sometimes women) will find true happiness through the Millionaire Matchmaker.  Maybe they will fall in love and spend the rest of their very well off lives with someone.  But in the back of their mind wouldn’t they always be wondering, did she just marry me for my money?

I hope these savvy business men are smart enough to have their future Mrs. sign a prenuptial agreement.  But would the bride-to-be sign it?  If you are a woman and you want to marry rich would you sign a prenup?  I don’t think so.

Can you base a relationship on money

I am the first to admit that every couple has to be on the same page when it comes to money, otherwise the relationship probably won’t work.  However I am not convinced that a relationship based entirely on money would work out either.

Photo by Rob B

Why get married?

Good morning Loves.  One of my friends just announced that she’s engaged.  As her friend I am very happy for her, but as a financial planner I have to question the motives as to why she wants to get married.  My friend is a great catch; she’s pretty, polite, educated and well mannered.

She’s my friend and we’ve been friends for years.  She has a lot of great qualities, but the truth is she’s not so great with money.  She is one of those people who works full time but never seems to have cash.  So when she started dating a successful investment banker who asked for her hand in marriage she was quick to say “I Do”.

Was it for love?

In an ideal world I would like to think everyone gets married because they are head over heels in love.  But I know that would be a bit naive.

As children we are taught to grow up, fall in love and get married.  If you grow up and find yourself unmarried in your 30s maybe we end up settling to find our happily ever after.  When I was in my 20s one of my co-workers told me that the key to a happy marriage is compromise.  I am wondering if that is true.  Sometimes it seems to be.  We compromise some things in our relationships such as true love to gain other valuable traits such as financial stability.

Being single can be hard on the wallet.  In your early 20s it’s OK to be single because you can live with roommates and travel with friends.  But as you get older all your friends get married so you end up living and travelling alone and that can be very expensive.

Maybe it was for money.

So what’s the alternative to living and travelling alone while incurring the costs ourselves?  The alternative is to get married to someone who is not perfect but who is good enough.  I am not saying my friend went out to find the richest man she could to propose to her and I’m not saying that my friend is a gold digger.  All I’m saying is two years ago my friend couldn’t even afford to get her nails done at the same time and now she goes to the salon once every two weeks.

I have had conversations with my friend when she ended up in tears because she couldn’t afford to pay all her bills in the same month.  Now she is living debt free, has a house and is planning a honeymoon in Tahiti.  All and all I would say her life has greatly improved since she started dating her now fiancé.

If you’re luck it’s because you found your perfect match.

Why would anyone get married if they didn’t find their perfect match?  Maybe it’s for money or maybe money is just an added bonus.  I don’t believe there is such a thing as a perfect relationship, just like there’s no such thing as a perfect family.  However I do believe there is perfect for me.

The qualities I look for in a relationship may not be the same as the qualities my friend looks for in her relationship and vice versa.   At the end of the day if you get married and you are happy, regardless of any alternative motives, I guess that’s all that matters.

Photo by momo