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Would you marry someone without money?

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I read an article in a recent issue of Glamour Magazine about a woman who fell in love with a man who had less money than her.  Actually he had no money at all, he had a low paying job with no personal savings.  She met him online and they instantly connected.

After months of communicating by email, phone and chat the couple finally decided to meet in person.  When he showed up to take her out on their first date she was shocked at what she saw in her driveway.

The man showed up in an old pickup truck and the woman almost didn’t walk out of her front door.  She had seen pictures of the man and knew he was cute but she didn’t know he had no money.  The subject of careers and personal finances never came up in their long conversations.

Should money be a criteria for dating?

So here lies the question, would you go out with a man who had no money?  We aren’t talking about a man who makes good money and just mismanages it, because that can be fixed.  We are talking about a man who makes just enough to get by.  She already had feelings for this man and she knew if she went out with him her life would always be hard off financially.  She wasn’t hoping to marry rich, she was just hoping to marry someone who wasn’t poor.

If this was me I don’t know if I would continue a relationship with a man who had no money.  Maybe in my 20s, but probably not now in my 30s.  That sounds really bad as I read it back to myself but it’s true.  If I already loved the man I don’t think money would matter, actually I know it wouldn’t, if I was in my 20s.

When I was younger I was broke, like dead broke, and I know how much stress money can cause.  I wouldn’t want to go through that again.  When you are in your 20s it’s OK to make mistakes and learn from them.  But as we get older we are supposed to be more financially responsible.

If I was dating now I think money would come up in our first few dates.  In my 20s I wouldn’t have cared if my boyfriend had no money.  However, now in my 30s it would be very hard to start a relationship with a man who didn’t have the same lifestyle I have.

Should money be a criteria for marriage?

I wouldn’t expect women to want to marry a man who can make her life better.  However at the same time I don’t think anyone wants to marry a man who makes their life worse.  The trouble with the man having no money was that the woman was already in love with him.

If she didn’t go out on the date she would always wonder if he was the great love of her life. She would always wonder if she let her soul mate get away because he drove an old pickup truck. She decided money wasn’t worth her happiness so she grabbed her purse and walked out to the driveway where the man was waiting with the passenger side door open.

As expected the man was a total gentleman.  After their first date her feelings were as strong as ever.  They eventually got married and were still together when the article was released.

Photo by tahnyakristina  

Is the Millionaire Matchmaker for real?

Good morning Loves.  This past weekend I was channel surfing and landed on the Millionaire Matchmaker.  Have you seen this show?  I have admittedly seen the show before, but I’ve never watched a full episode.  This time I sat through the entire show and to be honest I was a little disturbed.

For those of you who haven’t seen the show, Millionaire Matchmaker shows the day in the life of the founder and her staff as they try to help rich people find their perfect mate.  I am not sure if it’s the financial planner in me or it’s because I am a woman who makes my own money.  But the thought of men searching for women who want to marry rich really bothers me.

Should we pay to meet our mate?

Millionaire Matchmaker is a fee based club that millionaires join in the hopes of finding their one true love.  They are set up in a social mixer situation where they can mingle with several potential mates and choose two to go out with on an official date.  This whole scenario has me wondering,  if we can’t find our true love out there in the real world can we really find them in a contained environment? I’m not so sure.

I have been lucky to be with my boyfriend for several years.  If I was single I’m not sure I would pay money to meet my soul mate.  I don’t think I would join a club or subscribe to an online dating service just to check the married box.  I know a lot of couples who met online and are still together, some even got married.  But I’ve also heard a lot of horror stories about online dating.  I hate wasting money.  If I pay for a service I better get my money’s worth.

Then there’s the prenup question

If men are joining Millionaire Matchmaker to meet women who want to marry rich I have to ask, what are they getting themselves into?  Women who have no ambitions and just want to marry men for their money are gold diggers.  Aren’t they?

Maybe these rich men (and sometimes women) will find true happiness through the Millionaire Matchmaker.  Maybe they will fall in love and spend the rest of their very well off lives with someone.  But in the back of their mind wouldn’t they always be wondering, did she just marry me for my money?

I hope these savvy business men are smart enough to have their future Mrs. sign a prenuptial agreement.  But would the bride-to-be sign it?  If you are a woman and you want to marry rich would you sign a prenup?  I don’t think so.

Can you base a relationship on money

I am the first to admit that every couple has to be on the same page when it comes to money, otherwise the relationship probably won’t work.  However I am not convinced that a relationship based entirely on money would work out either.

Photo by Rob B

Why get married?

Good morning Loves.  One of my friends just announced that she’s engaged.  As her friend I am very happy for her, but as a financial planner I have to question the motives as to why she wants to get married.  My friend is a great catch; she’s pretty, polite, educated and well mannered.

She’s my friend and we’ve been friends for years.  She has a lot of great qualities, but the truth is she’s not so great with money.  She is one of those people who works full time but never seems to have cash.  So when she started dating a successful investment banker who asked for her hand in marriage she was quick to say “I Do”.

Was it for love?

In an ideal world I would like to think everyone gets married because they are head over heels in love.  But I know that would be a bit naive.

As children we are taught to grow up, fall in love and get married.  If you grow up and find yourself unmarried in your 30s maybe we end up settling to find our happily ever after.  When I was in my 20s one of my co-workers told me that the key to a happy marriage is compromise.  I am wondering if that is true.  Sometimes it seems to be.  We compromise some things in our relationships such as true love to gain other valuable traits such as financial stability.

Being single can be hard on the wallet.  In your early 20s it’s OK to be single because you can live with roommates and travel with friends.  But as you get older all your friends get married so you end up living and travelling alone and that can be very expensive.

Maybe it was for money.

So what’s the alternative to living and travelling alone while incurring the costs ourselves?  The alternative is to get married to someone who is not perfect but who is good enough.  I am not saying my friend went out to find the richest man she could to propose to her and I’m not saying that my friend is a gold digger.  All I’m saying is two years ago my friend couldn’t even afford to get her nails done at the same time and now she goes to the salon once every two weeks.

I have had conversations with my friend when she ended up in tears because she couldn’t afford to pay all her bills in the same month.  Now she is living debt free, has a house and is planning a honeymoon in Tahiti.  All and all I would say her life has greatly improved since she started dating her now fiancé.

If you’re luck it’s because you found your perfect match.

Why would anyone get married if they didn’t find their perfect match?  Maybe it’s for money or maybe money is just an added bonus.  I don’t believe there is such a thing as a perfect relationship, just like there’s no such thing as a perfect family.  However I do believe there is perfect for me.

The qualities I look for in a relationship may not be the same as the qualities my friend looks for in her relationship and vice versa.   At the end of the day if you get married and you are happy, regardless of any alternative motives, I guess that’s all that matters.

Photo by momo

The perfect Valentine’s Day gift

Good morning Loves.  Well this is it, Valentine’s week is among us and over the next five days people all over the world will be buying gifts for their loved ones.  If you are a lovely lady and you want to drop some hints to your man about your gift or if you are a man searching for the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for your sweetheart then look no further.

This is a list of my favorite products that I discovered this year.  You will quickly notice that none of these gift ideas include going out for dinner, buying roses or eating a box of chocolate.  The reason is because all of these things cost significantly more on February 14 than they do on any other day of the year include February 13 and February 15.  I personally love getting flowers as a gift but I would never forgive my boyfriend if he bought me $25 worth of flowers and paid $60 just because they are a Valentine’s Day gift.

This post is in no way sponsored or promoted by any of the companies mentioned below.  These are just some great gift ideas.  I would love to receive any one of these as a Valentine’s Day gift, if I didn’t already have them of course.

For the girl who loves shiny things:

Michael Kors Michael Kors Mid-Size Rose Golden Skylar Two-Hand Glitz WatchGet her a new watch.  Buying a new watch is a personal gift because you have to know your girlfriend’s taste and that is a Valentine’s Day gift that comes from the heart.  I am absolutely loving the rose gold color that it hitting stores, it’s just as neutral as gold or silver but it gives your girl a little extra shine. The watch featured is by Michael Kors.

 

 

 

For the down to earth girl in your life:

Prepare a home cooked meal.  If you are like me you live in the cold weather and the thought of getting dressed up and going outside is chilling then skip it and stay in.  Stop at the grocery store and cook your sweetheart’s favorite meal.  Set the table, light some candles and enjoy dinner for two.  Don’t forget the whipped cream for dessert.

 

 

For a total glamour girl:

SEPHORA COLLECTION - Color Wand Lip Gloss Trio

I admittedly don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I do love a good lip gloss.  I found this lip kit at Sephora and it’s absolutely amazing.  Where else can you get 12 lip glosses for only $19?  Make your lips kissable this Valentine’s Day.

 

 

 

For the girl who lives on a budget:

If your girl is like me she doesn’t want you to spend an enormous amount of money on Valentine’s Day gifts.  So go old school.  Pick up some construction paper and make your sweetheart a gift to remember. Cut out hearts and scatter them all around your house, it’s just as romantic as rose petals and it’s a lot cheaper.  It’s cute, it’s cheap and it will make a night to remember.

 

For the girl who just needs to relax:

Pink Sun

Wrap up an Indian acupuncture mat.  I discovered Bed of Nails in SHAPE magazine and I have to tell you that I am in love with this relaxation mat.  I’m not going to lie, it hurts like hell the first few times you use it, but trust me once you get through the pain your body will thank you – and your sweetheart.

 

 

 

Photos by marinakvillatoro, hinnosaar  and ebygomm