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FYI: The Wedding Industry Is Out Of Control

By on June 28, 2010

This is what has accumulated on my nightstand over the past week:

P6280222One of my sweet, older co-workers has been fueling my new wedding hobby with magazines, books, and guides.  Bless her heart.

As I flip through the pages of Brides and Real Simple Weddings, I am thankful that I’m a bit more money-wise than most young brides (not to toot my own horn or anything…but it’s true.  Some girls I know would drop hundreds of bones on toilet paper embossed with their future last name if given the chance.). 

It’s pretty obvious that the wedding industry has turned into this untamed beast that prays on weak brides who are just happy-go-lucky in love.  Sure, us brides want a perfect, special, memorable wedding day, but I think things have gotten a little out of hand.

In the magazines, there is page after page of advertisements for personalized guest books, engraved cake stands, invitations accented with shades of watermelon pink and seawater green (or any shade your heart could ever desire), silk ring bearer pillows, customized wedding garters, and adorable party favors.

I actually asked someone the other day if I could just avoid the ring bearer pillow all together and just have my ring bearer walk the aisle empty-handed.  They looked at me in complete shock and said “but where would the rings go?”  I mean…do ring bearers actually carry the rings?  I really had no idea.  I guess I just like watching the confused kids walk sheepishly down the aisle.  That’s where the real fun is, right?

Don’t forget about the suit and armor us brides have to purchase:

  • gown
  • white shoes
  • garter
  • fancy under armor
  • tiara and/or other hair decor
  • veil
  • jewelry
  • something blue
  • make-up/hair

Yes, okay –  I want to be a bride for a day and wear the fabulous costume.  But after really listing out all the things I need to buy to pull off the part, it’s pretty overwhelming.

When did the wedding industry get so out of control?

The industry has become quite good at sucking you in and sweet-talking you into that $250 white gold cake cutter engraved with the date of your wedding day.

I think I’ll just use the cake cutter out of my mom’s kitchen drawer that we used for our birthday cakes as kids, thankyouverymuch. Looking at a cake cutter 20 years from now will not make me appreciate my wedding.  It will most likely just piss me off that I wasted that $250 because we’ll probably be trying to pay for little Lloyd’s college at that point.

In my parents’ wedding photos, things are completely different.  My mom wore a baby blue dress that looks nothing like a bridal gown for her wedding.  And she seems SO happy in the pictures.  I’m guessing she was probably so happy because she was marrying an awesome dude like my dad,  not because she was about to eat a heaping slice of sugar out of her $750 cake.

I’ve had to remind myself almost daily that all this wedding nonsense is just a bunch of BS.  I’m super excited for the big day, but I don’t want to forget the reason I’m here in the first place.  It’s so easy to forget that you’re vowing to love one person wholly and completely for the rest of your life instead of just planning some ridiculously expensive party.

I’m just trying to keep a healthy balance in the midst of this wedding madness.  I know I’ll be much happier in the end if I take a step back from all the tempting extras and just focus on marrying that super hot stud that proposed to me just over 4 weeks ago.

Categories: Life, Opinion, Wedding21 Comments

Swearing Off McDonald’s For Life!

By on June 9, 2010

If you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed my repeated tweets about how sick I was over the past couple days from eating McDonald’s breakfast.  Here is the offender in question:

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Yeah, it may look appetizing in that pic, but it’s not so appetizing after what I’ve experienced over the past couple of days.

Here’s how things shook out after I ate the overpriced breakfast sandwich ($2.50 – really?) on Monday morning:

  • Ate the sandwich but almost immediately knew something was off, as evidenced by this tweet.
  • Felt generally disgusted and off for the rest of the morning.
  • Around 12:30, was visited by the lovely nausea rollercoaster.
  • Rode that ride for about 3 hours.
  • After about 3 hours, I felt all the blood leave my face and knew it was go time.
  • Getting sick at work is probably one of the top ten worst experiences that I’ve ever had in my life.
  • High point of the day was when Lloyd was able to drive me home since I could barely function at that point.
  • Arrived home where I spent the next 3 hours in the bathroom.  NOT primping.
  • This is where it gets good: after the bathroom experience is over (thank you, Lord), something inhabits my muscles causing extreme pain from my back and shoulders to my calves and feet.  Yep, top to bottom extreme muscle pain.  WTF?  I’ve had aches with the flu before, but with this I felt liked I’d been drilled by an 18-wheeler semi about 10 times and lived to tell about it.
  • Fever of 101.5.  Oh, joy.
  • Unable to sleep due to extreme pain.  Unable to take Tylenol due to fear of spending more time in the bathroom.
  • Even though I’ve clearly – very thoroughly – emptied my insides, my stomach insists on cramping like I’ve got 10 periods going on.  Trying to sip as much water/Gatorade as physically possible to prevent dehydration which I can feel creeping on due the dull ache coming from my kidneys.
  • Everything starts to mysteriously subside around noon the day after.  What I’m left with is a weakness so bad it takes effort to just stand up and nausea that forces me to give up eating completely. 
  • That brings us up to date and I’m still enjoying those last two side effects of nausea and weakness.
  • I had some soup last night and rode the nausea rollercoaster for the rest of the night.  So, yep, still not eating.

PROS:

  • I’ve lost 4 pounds.

CONS:

  • See above.
  • I’m out $2.50

What McDonald’s Has To Say:

I called up ‘ole McDonald’s today to inform them of this tragic incident.

The manager on duty took my name and information and repeatedly asked me if I had gone to the doctor.  I repeatedly told her “no”.  I am sure she was insinuating that her precious breakfast sandwiches were not the culprit of my sickness and instead I had some sort of summer stomach flu that goes around all too often.  Yes, the stomach flu could be an option.  But, I felt 100% fine before the damn Bacon, Egg, and Cheese biscuit.  In fact, I went for a 3 mile run that morning and was feeling fantastic after that.  Almost immediately after I ingested the bacteria-laced sandwich was when I started to feel like I was going to die.

So, back to the McDonald’s manager.  She tells me that she’s never dealt with this type of situation before (which is odd, because so many people I’ve talked to about mysituation have said they’ve experienced something similar from the restaurant) and told me to hold on while she consulted with her Mickey D’s posse.

Well, apparently, McDonald’s doesn’t have a” “Hold” button on their phone because I managed to hear a couple juicy sound bites from the posse’s infinite wisdom.

  • “Did she go to the doctor?” (again, NO!)
  • “Then, how does she know that she’s sick?” (Seriously?!!)

After the brilliant advice that the manager’s posse bestowed unto her, she returned back to me on the phone.

She told me that she’d have to send my information to the corporate office and that they’d call me back soon with some more questions (I’m assuming along the lines of “have you been to the doctor?”).

Lessons Learned:

  • Never visit McDonald’s ever, ever, EVER again.  Or any fast food establishment for that matter.  (Chipotle does not count.)
  • Since I’ve just cut my 1-2X per year visit to McDonald’s down to 0X per year, I just saved myself $5.  Which over the course of my lifetime might add up to about $350.  And if I invest that little nugget into high-yield savings accounts, well, then who knows what the future could hold for me!

Categories: Dining Out, Fail, Life, Opinion22 Comments

Brody Jenner’s Career

By on April 28, 2010

After last night’s long-awaited debut of the sixth – and “final” – season of The Hills, I found myself wondering how exactly these spoiled reality show stars make a living.  Sure, they get paid ridiculous amounts to act like tools on TV and make out with their hussied-up “co-stars”, but after all is said and done, what are their real careers?

Take Brody Jenner for example.  Brody’s character on the show is the token good-looking guy that every girl fights over.  I’ll admit, I’ve found myself ogling over his boyish good looks from time to time.  But aside from his “job” on the show I’m not exactly sure what he’s qualified to do.

He obviously comes from good genes.  His dad is the infamous Olympic decathlon gold-medal winner, Bruce Jenner.  Bruce also happens to star in a recurring role on another hit reality show that you may have heard of called “Keeping up with Kim the Kardashians”.  But the difference between the two Jenner’s roles is that you can tell that Bruce knows that his reality stardom is a bunch of crap.  I have a bit of a soft spot for Bruce even though he did almost succumb to the Hollywood pressures with all that facial surgery (not a good move, Bruce).  In my opinion, he’s the funniest and most relatable person on KUWTK.  It could be because he actually has a real job aside from the show – motivational speaker – or that he is the only voice of reason in the Kardashian house (which I admit, is probably a pretty easy position to come by among those loony girls).

Anyways, back to Brody.  Seriously, what does he do?  His Wikipedia page claims that he has three occupations.  Guess what they are?  Wait for it…. wait…. for….. it……

  • Model
  • TV Personality
  • Socialite (!!!!!!!!)

I think I heard once that he was into modeling, but I’ve never actually seen him model in anything.  And, socialite?!  Since when did that become an occupation?!  I am astonished by how jaded Hollywood is to actually *think* that a SOCIALITE is an occupation. 

After The Hills is over, what will he do with himself?  How will he make money?  Will he fall back on his socialite certifications and training to support himself and his family?  Maybe he’ll write a book about how to be a socialite?  (Sadly, I think Paris Hilton has already beat him to the punch.)

Well, good luck with all that, Brody.  I am sure that your socialite career will make you quite prosperous in the years to come.

Categories: Notes, Opinion11 Comments

Jamiroquai May Have Been On To Something

By on April 12, 2010

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Here’s the deal.  Smart phones – they freak me out.  I don’t get them and I never want one.  However, I seem to be the only person on the planet not raving about these so-called “phones”.

Everyone’s got their iPhones and their Crackberrys with their BBMs and those nosy calorie-counting apps.  Guess what I’ve got – an actual telephone (you’re welcome Mr. Alexander Graham Bell).

Want to send me a picture text?  Won’t happen.  My phone actually rejects picture texts.  I didn’t even set that feature up; my phone – knowing my easy-to-please preferences – actually took it upon itself to start rejecting picture texts.  That’s fine by me because my phone company likes to charge me for every cute picture that my friends send to me.

Internet?  Don’t have it.  Touch Screen?  Not on this phone.  Fancy Apps?  Nope.

However, my phone does boast some very practical and necessary features:

  • phone calls (received, dialed, and missed)
  • text messages (limit of 300)
  • SPEAKER phone (could not live without)
  • calculator
  • scheduler
  • voicemail (a little tedious, but helpful nonetheless)
  • phonebook

Look, I’m not disagreeing with those of you who have these fancy-schmancy phones.  In fact, I think my kind is a dying breed and I’ll probably have to succumb to the age of the Smart Phones eventually (which by the way, does that name freak anyone else out a bit?  I mean….they are just phones…or are they?).

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Back in the good 'ol days.

 I just prefer my tried and true, old-fashioned telephone.  I spend 8 hours chained to a computer all day.  On top of that, I come home after work and spend another several hours on the computer studying.  Sometimes I feel like I live and breathe a virtual (insanity?) life – having a phone that is merely that allows me to break free from the electronic world and actually enjoy life.

How much does a Smart Phone run these days anyway?  I’m sure they can be found for a discounted price, but my beat-up Rumor phone that you see up there has served me well for almost 2 years and only cost a whopping $18 (damn you Sprint and your crafty “activation fees”).

In addition to the outlandish prices, I’m assuming most Smart Phones must be set up with a data and internet plan.  Otherwise, what’s the point of even having one?  Not the Rumor though.  I survive on 200 anytime minutes and 300 text messages per month.  No extras for me please, just the old stand-by calling and messaging plan.

I totally get the appeal of having the internet on your phone.  I could see how it would be fun to update my twitter from, say, my car on the drive to work, or at the gym, or out to dinner, or at the grocery store….wait, that doesn’t sound too much more exciting than my current tweets…

While many people (my best friends and Lloyd included) now prefer to carry around a virtual world in their purse or pocket, I prefer to leave mine at home on my desk where it should be.

I don’t need an iPhone; I’ve got myPhone.

So, tell me: do you swear by the Smart Phones?  What kind of phone do you use?  If you prefer the fancy phones, tell me why!  Are there any of you who are like me and prefer the old-school, one function phones?

(source)

Categories: Dollars, Opinion28 Comments